So, as I’d mentioned, this week hasn’t been my best in terms of working out and eating. Last night when I was leaving work I was forcing myself to go to the gym, but I really wasn’t overly excited about going. On my way out I ran in to a girl that works at my office. She said to me, “I’ve been wanting to tell you, you look amazing. You’ve lost so much weight, you really do look amazing, how did you do it?”
To say I was taken aback is an understatement. I don’t know this girl very well and don’t really see her too much at the office, so for her to say that to me, unprompted, made me feel incredible. I mean, I know that I have been doing well and look better, but this was just outside validation coming from a genuine place. Her comment made me feel so good about myself and the work I’ve been doing and helped me get back some of the motivation I’d lost. Toward that end, I did make it to the gym last night to take a spin class and a sculpting class after.
I think that while motivation does have to come from within, sometimes a kind word and support from an outside source can go a long way towards keeping you on track. Knowing that what I am doing now matters, is working and is being noticed makes me want to push on and stick with it no matter what.
So this past week hasn’t been a great one for me, or at least it hasn’t been in comparison to the weeks before. The past couple of weeks I’ve been getting to the gym 4-5 days a week and hitting up on my weekly goal of 200 minutes of cardio per week. I’d also been eating really well. So now, I haven’t gone to the gym since Saturday and I haven’t been eating as well either. I can kind of see this as being the beginning of me losing my motivation so I really want to nip this in the bud. On the other hand, I feel pretty good that I haven’t worked out in three days and that feels like forever, it just goes to show that it really all is relative. And in terms of eating, if I think of that in perspective, I really haven’t been bad at all, just not as great as I have been the past few weeks. The thing is though, I don’t want to keep holding myself to too old of a standard. As I progress and get better, I create a new standard, a new benchmark for myself. So, I know that I absolutely have to get myself to the gym today and Thursday and Friday. I’m heading out of town for Saturday and Sunday so I know that I probably won’t hit the gym those days, which is why these next three days are so important. If I can make sure that this week is at least one where I work out three days, both physically and phsycologically, that would be a huge difference than only two days. Also, I haven’t been that great in what I’ve eaten this week, but it’s only noon on Wednesday, so I can definitely turn this around and have it end up being a good week. I think it is really important to keep things going in the right direction since I leave for a ten day vacation in a week and I want to feel like I have the leeway to enjoy myself and not feel like I’m derailing the entire “plan.” So anyway, here’s to me buckling down and not letting this week be a “throw away!’
So the other day I was, again, in a fairly upbeat mood since I was feeling good about my mental state, progress, etc. So Terri, while extremely happy that I was out of the “bad” place, said we needed to figure out what it was that had me feeling so good about things. I needed to be able to idenfity what was working and why so when I started creeping backward, I’d have an idea as to what to do and how to change. Toward that end, she asked me to write her three things that made me feel good about myself and the way I was feeling and email them to her. She said they didn’t have to make sense to anyone but me. So anyway, these were the three things I wrote…
1. Having eggs in the morning.
For some reason I get really excited to have my breakfast in the morning, eggs and toast and cheese. I know it is healthy so I feel good about that and I really like it too. I actually am now only eating one slice of bread instead of two and I’m really happy about that too.
2. Spin classes.
Right now I really like going to spin classes because I can really tell that I am getting in better shape. I know what I used to be like years ago in spin and how much better and stronger I am now. I guess spinning shows me how much progress I’ve made in a way that isn’t tied to what I look like. It just makes me feel fit.
3. I’m not sure as to the why of this one, but I think what I love most about how I feel right now is that I don’t dwell on setbacks or mistakes.
By no means have I been perfect these past few weeks, but when I have made poor choices I haven’t beat myself up about it. My mistakes don’t cause full blown depression right now which feels amazing. I guess my mind frame now is that I’m constantly moving forward and one night of pizza or cheese won’t stop my progress. The next day I’m back to moving forward again.
So, first I have to whole-heartedly congratulate myself for making it to the gym this morning. Typically I see Terri on Wednesdays, but tonight is my firm holiday party so I had to cancel for this week. However, since Wednesdays are typically “definites” I felt that it was really important to get my butt out of bed this morning and still make it a definite on my own. So I went to a 6:30am spin class, which of course, was really a 6:15am spin class,( stupid misprint!) but hey, 30 minutes is better than nothing.
The thing is, though, I really need to get a handle on the whole morning thing because I literally am so paranoid and have to psyche myself up so much about going that I have trouble sleeping. Last night I woke up at 1:06am disoriented and all of a sudden completely awake because I had to go to my class. Then I realized that I had about 5 more hours to go! Maybe it will take a few more times but at this point I think I just don’t sleep too deeply because I don’t trust myself yet to actually make it happen. Well, now it’s been two times so hopefully after a few more I’ll start to believe it. Anyway, I am really proud that I went because I know I would have felt horrible about not going when I was at my party. Now I can just enjoy myself and not feel any guilt. You really have to love it when you actually have the foresight to suck it up in the moment for your future self.
So, on Monday I told Terri about my upcoming holiday party and we developed a plan of action. I’m supposed to eat my dinner early, around 4:30 so that when I get to the party I can nibble on appetizers but as I won’t be too hungry I won’t overdo. Sadly, I’m only just getting around to eating my lunch now, so I definitely won’t be hungry for dinner at 4:30pm. What to do, what to do? I think maybe I’ll eat half of my dinner then? I’m really not sure. I need a new plan!
This is one of the reasons I love Terri, I can actually email her and ask her. I mean it is something relatively small, but I know myself and if I can manage to get through tonight and feel like I am in control of my eating it will be one more small victory to keep me motivated and focused. If things go badly, everything could crumble and at this point I’ve worked way too hard getting back on track to let that happen. I think one of the most important parts of succeeding is being able to really know yourself and identify situations like this. I refuse to let tonight be the impetus for my holiday downfall! So, I’m now off to email Terri for Plan B.
So, my day to day struggles continue. I was okay this weekend, not great, but really not awful either. Basically, Sunday I had three slices of pizza and cereal and did not work out. So clearly, that is somewhat of a negative. However, this week I actually made myself get up in the morning and do a spin class which for me is huge! I’m definitely not a morning person, but honestly, trying to hit the gym before work one day a week isn’t that big of a sacrifice. On Wednesday with Terri I got to see pictures of her when she was competing and heard about the amount of training and effort that it took her before she really started to succeed. Now, after hearing her stories, I definitely knew that in no way do I have the level of discipline nor motivation to every do something like that. However, those stories inspired me because I thought, well, I could never do that, nor would I really want to, but I certainly could make a few more sacrifices and put forth a little more effort. Hence, the mroning workout.
Honestly, I think that is what it really takes. Figuring out what is doable for you. I think it is important to set goals, and now I have set one of working out in the morning once a week. That will not be easy for me, but it is doable, I can achieve that, I can succeed. However, if I set a goal of three days a week before work, well that would just be setting myself up to fail. I think it is just about finding a balance between pushing yourself to new levels, but also making sure to set goals where you have a chance to succeed. You have to be realistic!