Personal Training NYC ClientA

So summer is finally over and with its end comes an end to my excuses. I have just found that in the summer I just work out less, spend more time with friends and eat and drink more. So be it. To cap off another great summer season I went to a wedding over Labor Day weekend and had a great time. This, of course, means that I drank way too much and ate way too much. Again, so be it. I’ve found that at other points in my life I would lament and regret times like these. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve decided that sometimes you really just need to enjoy yourself and not worry so much. So, that is what I did. However, like I said summer is now over and I have to get back to work.

For some reason, I’m actually looking forward to getting back into an eating healthy and working out routine. I’ve definitely slid back a bit and I know that I have to start working really hard to get back to where I was and feel on track and I’m ready to do that. I guess I’ve realized that you have to really understand where you are mentally. Sometimes you really need to exercise your willpower and stop yourself from making loose decisions. However, other times, you just need to enjoy yourself and not worry about every little mistake. Thinking over the past few weeks, I know that if I had tried to get back on my plan not only would I have made myself miserable but I still would have failed. Recognizing that, I let myself really appreciate my “time off” and now I’m mentally ready to get back into things. I think that there are times to push yourself and times to lay off, it has just taken me a really long time to know the difference.

So Wednesday, I get back started with Terri and today I’m going to head out to a spin class (which I actually want to do!) Like I said, I know that I’ve put on some pounds, but I’m definitely okay about it and I have every confidence that even though it will take some time, I can get back to where I want to be. I think that is the biggest difference for me- I know what to do. I’m not going into this thing blind. I know how to get the results I want. I know what different weight lifting routines I can work on and I know Terri will be helping me learn even more. I think at other points in my life, in a similar situation, I would have panicked and felt like I had to see results right away. I would have gotten discouraged and basically made myself miserable. It just makes me so happy to know that those times are over. I have a gameplan, I have a coach and I have the right attitude, so really it’s just a matter of time.

Okay, so at long last I have finally joined the yoga bandwagon. I never thought that I would, but now I am definitely into it. I think that I was so reluctant before because yoga is actually really, really hard. It isn’t like a spin class where you might be tired and loosen up form, but you can almost get distracted by the music and you’re gauranteed that you’ll sweat and be able to check your cardio off for the day. Yoga is not like that.

It is pure concentration, making sure that you are perfectly lined up and doing even the smallest things right because if you don’t you will literally topple over. On top of that, I’m not and never have been particularly flexible. I did used to be in good shape when I was younger so that stuff isn’t particularly new, it is about getting it back, as my body remembers what certain actions felt like. With yoga, I’ve just flat out never done any of this sort of thing before so it makes things tremendously harder. I mean even a basic downward dog was painful!

However, a few things have gotten me hooked. First, now that I am learning the basic poses and movements that the harder ones are built on, I think to myself, ‘Wow, I want to be able to do that.’ I see people using their body to do all these cool things and I know that while I can’t do them right now, maybe if I work hard enough I will be able to do them eventually. For instance, Terri showed me the first step toward being able to do the bridge pose. Let me tell you, the first step is not easy, in fact it is actually very hard because there are so many different pieces you have to constantly be thinking about and you are continually making adjustments. However, I eventually want to be able to do the bridge. I want to get my body to do things its never done and that frankly, I didn’t I could ever do.

Yoga is just one of those things that you can constantly work at and towards. I mean, as little as it is, it feels great that I can finally get my heels all the way down on the floor in downward dog. That is something so small, but it is also something I can do now that I couldn’t do before. I know that all these little successes will eventually get me to the point where I can do all sorts of interesting moves and poses.

I’ve said it before, but working out and pushing myself just to look good or fit into some pair of pants can wear a bit thin. I think in the place I am right now, those sort of goals just aren’t motivating me. Yoga finally has me mentally engaged again. It is challenging me. I want to be able to do things that I can’t right now, so I have to get more flexible and stronger. As that happens I will get more fit and look better, however, for the first time those aren’t my primary goals, they are just byproducts of me trying to rise to these new challengs.

So many of these thoughts are things Terri has told me before, but while I heard her, I just wasn’t ready or capable of understanding how to shift these priorities. She is more than welcome to tell me she told me so, as long as she keeps helping me work toward that bridge!

So this weekend I actually had my cousin come in to town and I hate to say it but she is really fat. She has always been overweight but I haven’t seen her in almost a year and in that time she has really put on a significant amount of weight. She’s only 22 years old, just graduated college and now looks to weight over 250 pounds. I can just feel how unhappy she is with her life. It’s in everything she does, from the way she walks to the clothes she wears. It is like she tries to make herself as unnoticeable as possible. She is so smart and very beautiful but I know that she doesn’t feel good about herself and it breaks my heart.

I know that I have never been that big, but I can certainly identify with all of those feelings. Seeing her really touched something in me. On the one hand it made me feel somewhat selfish and vain in that I harp so much about my body and being unhappy when in reality I’m healthy and I look fine. On the other hand I also felt an overwhelming sense of fear and denial. I don’t ever want to be in the place she is now. Mentally I’ve been close and even though right now things aren’t perfect and I’ve been sliding, I certainly feel so much more in control of my life and my body than I have in the past.

I guess in a way seeing my cousin was like looking into some sort of a mirror. I’ve worked so hard to move away from where she is and it was like a reminder of how far I’ve come and also why I don’t ever want to go back. Seeing how insecure and unhappy she is really makes me want to talk to her about it, but it is always a tense subject. I know she’s not ready right now to make any changes in her life and when it comes to you weight if you don’t really commit, if it isn’t you deciding to make the change, nothing will work. I don’t want to add any pressure or make her feel like I’m judging her. I just want to make sure that I’m there for her when she does decide for herself to want more.

We went out for drinks and dinner on Friday and seeing how people reacted to her really got to me. People either completely ignored her or you could see disapproval, pity or even disgust in their eyes. I don’t even think I can blame them because this is the world we live in and basically her weight is limiting how people see her and the experiences she’s having.

I’m usually out with my girlfriends, all of whom are significantly thinner than me, so, big or not, I’m always the “biggest” girl. Having it not be that way gave me an different perspective. As I at times will see someone else’s body and wish I looked like that I know that my cousin would gladly be my size. It is just part of the natural tendency to always compare to those thinner, richer, prettier, etc. I guess sometimes it’s just nice to stop and realize the things that you already have going for yourself and not worry so much about what you don’t have. When you stop comparing, even for just a minute, it’s such a relief and though it will only be a short matter of time before it starts again, for that one moment you realize, you’re really not all that bad.

Okay, so I faced it, I have gained six pounds. This is not the end of the world. I mean, it seemed like it a few days ago, but since then I have gotten back on track and feel like it will only be a short time before I shed those measly pounds. I worked out both Monday and Tuesday and actually lifted on my own. It has been ages since I’ve done that, but I really pushed myself and have the resulting soreness today to prove it.

I’ve also been taking care to eat a lot better too. It was 4th of July weekend, so I didn’t create any ridiculous and overzealous rules for myself. I was realistic and set eating goals I could achieve and feel good about, because god knows, I was on a slippery slope and setting myself up for failure would have been disastrous. Now I feel much more in control of things and that I’ve gotten myself back on track.

It really is funny, though, what a difference a couple of work outs makes. I know that working out two days in a row and eating better isn’t going to magically take off the recent weight I’ve gained, but it has put my head in the place it needs to be. I mean, I was walking around the city the other day in this cute dress, but all I could think off was how awful I felt and how upset I was that I had let myself slide back. I can honestly say that I felt horrible about myself and was mentally getting to a place where I hadn’t been in months and a place I never wanted to be again. So really, it isn’t the six pounds, tighter pants or an extra roll on my tummy that is motivating me. It is the fact that I really just get so unhappy when I’m not in control of my weight. I lose all confidence, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t even want anyone to see me. It truly is miserable. I’m just too young to waste so much time being unhappy about something I can actually control. So anyway, that is my motivation and anytime I don’t feel like going to the gym or eating a second helping of anything I need to remember I’m making a choice- and I choose to be happy.

So this past Thursday I ran in the JPM Corporate Challenge. I have never actually participated in a race before, and I never run. To say I hate running would be generous. I was definitely nervous; and not just because it was like 85% humidity. I really wanted to finish and try to run as much as I possibly could.

Having never done a race before I actually lined up at the pace I thought I would run-between the 10 and 12 minute mile. For the record- no one else does this. Even the self-professed walkers were starting at the 7 minute mile so 6 minutes after the starting gun, when I actually got to the starting line, it was more about dodging and weaving through walkers than running. However, as more and more runners turned in to walkers, things started to thin out a bit. There were many times I was getting tired, but instead of resorting to a walk I would just slow down my pace quite a bit, especially for the hills. I’m proud to say I only walked once, and I limited it to only 30 seconds. I finished with a decent time, in my book anyway, and just felt extremely proud to have pretty much run the whole way and not given up.

Three days later, however, I am not so proud of my performance. I went out of town this weekend and basically ate every bad food imaginable. Thinking about it, I realize I haven’t fully committed my time and more important, my energy towards my fitness goals since January. In January, I promised myself that I would be as close to “perfect” as I possibly could. I would make sure I worked out 5 times a week and be very conscious when it came to healthy eating. I also promised myself that if I didn’t see results, I was done. I mean, if I did most everything right and still didn’t see progress, what was the point? However, sure enough, not only did I get my best results to date, but I also felt great. I felt empowered and in control and so happy about my body and my choices. I feel now, that I have slacked off bit by bit since then. One thing it to have a period where I don’t make any forward progress. Another thing is to actually take a step back and start undoing all the hard work I’ve done.

So basically, I need another January. I feel myself getting back into old habits and old mindsets that didn’t make me happy. I need to get back to the gameplan that worked and was working before I started to slack off. For the next four weeks I commit to working out 5 days a week. I commit to eating healthy and making the right choices. I know that this is going to be a lot harder in July than January though. WIth nice weather, more BBQs, more going out, more everything, it is going to take a lot more discipline to make it this time. But, right now, I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I can push through and continue to head towards something I really want or I can continue to slack and get back to where I was, which is a place I don’t want to be. I realize it is not too late. I’ve finally reached the point that in the past I’ve given up, but this time I won’t. Now I know what it takes, I know that it works and I know I have to keep trying.

So I had a workout with Terri this morning. I’m really not a morning person so these morning sessions have not been fun, but since I’ve been so busy after work I’ve had to make the sacrifice. The thing is, though, that I really feel so much better heading into my day after working out. I have a ton more energy and am really awake and seem to miss my mid-afternoon crash. With that said, however, I will be happy to go back to my evening times.

So tomorrow I leave for Acapulco. I am so excited because I desperately need a vacation and I’m almost glad I had the worst day ever today at work becuase now I’ll appreciate the break even more (is that possible). I’ve worked out hte last three days, two days with Terri and one on my own, and I kind of feel like I’m on a roll. Sure its only three days, but mentally I feel like I’m getting back into things. So, with vacation coming up I really would like to work out while I’m down there. I’m setting a goal of hitting the gym a minimum of three times while I’m down there. I think that if I can make that happen, while on vacation no less, I will really have mentally gotten back to where I need to be.

Also, I’m not dreading being in a bikini and summer is really just starting so I have every incentive to keep focused and make this work.

So, last post for a little while. I guess we’ll see how I did when I get back. posted by Flab to Fab

So at work today, one of my colleagues said I was looked thin and wanted to know what I’d been doing. Yesterday I got a similar comment. Sure, flattery is always nice and compliments are always welcome, but this time I wasn’t just flattered or even pleased but suprised. Mainly by the fact that I’ve completely lost my perspective.

When you are working towards a larger, long term goal it is so easy to get caught up in the the day to day and harp on small mistakes. For instance today- I have on a pair of khaki pants and all morning all I could think about was how fat I thought I looked. The only thing that saved me from being totally unhappy with my look is a great pair of gold shoes I got on sale, but I digress. Basically, I’ve been thinking about this all morning, that I look fat, especially going outside and seeing all these “thin” people in their “tiny” outfits. I’ve been thinking about the times I didn’t go to the gym, and that extra cookie I ate on this day, the second helping on that day, etc.

But then I get a reality check from an unexpected source. One sincerely given compliment made me shake myself and step back a bit. Instead of thinking about all the things I’ve done wrong and didn’t do I should be congratulating myself on the progress I’ve made and all the positive things. Or, even better, maybe I should just stop thinking about it altogether!

I mean, every morning as I get dressed I pass by my full length mirror and inevitably I start to take things in with a critical eye. Does my thigh look bigger, does my back seem to have more fat, didn’t my butt look smaller a couple of weeks ago and on and on. Basically it is driving me crazy. I’m constantly checking myself and watching for lack of progress or setbacks. The thing is, I know that by expecting these things I will probably end up making them happen. So, starting today, I’m shutting off the INSANE girl part of my brain. Yes, this is easier said than done, but as a fairly well adjusted person (usually), I have confidence that I can quiet, if not completely silence that insecure, annoying, about to drive me crazy little voice in my head that is almost waiting for me to fail.

They always that “you” are your worst opponent. I guess I’m just finally deciding that my opponent is a bitch and it’s about time she shut up. posted by Flab to Fab

So this past weekend was my birthday and then of course Mother’s Day, which translated into a weekend of eating, drinking and then eating some more. Let’s just say that Friday started with multiple pieces of ice cream cake at work and progressed accordingly.

The one thing I knew, though, was that I had Terri on Monday and I would get a good workout and get things back on track. Now, I don’t know if Terri knew about the ice cream cake or the late night pizza, but all I can say is that Monday’s workout was pure punishment. Now, I assure you that none of Terri’s workouts are ever easy, but ever so often she’ll suprise you with a super intense workout. You know, the kind you would never really do yourself. The kind where you are pushed past being tired, past being fatigued, right to the point where you literally and physically can’t do it anymore.

The thing is that while these particular workouts are not fun, there is a very empowering element to them. Being pushed so far lets you see what your body really can do, you get to see how much stronger you’ve really become, how much endurance you have. All in all, you get to check out the amount of energy you can put forth when you are holding nothing back and pushing yourself to your very limits. It actually is such a high and feels great, up until the next morning when your butt muscles are screaming, then not so much.

However, after a workout like that it makes you wonder, why don’t I push like this all the time. If I worked this hard, with this much intensity at every workout, then just imagine the results!
It’s like a new form of motivation all over again.

That’s when you remember what you had forgotten: Terri always has a plan.

To start things off, I’ve been training with Terri now for almost eight months. I can’t even believe it’s been that long. When I finally bit the bullet and decided to get a personal trainer I never imagined what a long, hard journey it would be. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have made it this far without Terri.

Even now she has to occasionally bring me back to reality. You do not get a Jessica Simpson body after a few short weeks. I mean, hey, you didn’t get the Roseanne Barr body after a few weeks either…

This week so far (and let’s face it, it’s Tuesday so this one is going to be rough) had been me reminding myself of what I’m working towards and how far I’ve come. Sometimes you get so fixated on where you are not, the body you want and don’t yet have, that you forget how much you have already improved. Of course, I’m comfortable in my body now and just want to get better, so it takes a real effort to regain my perspective and remember when I wasn’t so comfortable.

Since I’m definitely a food as comfort eater, when I start getting down on myself for hitting a plateau I’m in the danger zone. That is actually one of the reasons that I started the NuKitchen system that Terri hooked up for her clients. The food is actually really good, but I have to say it, portion control sucks.

At least I know that I am eating better than I ordinarily would and I have training with Terri tomorrow. Sometimes it’s that sort of consistency- being able to depend on someone else that is the best part of the whole experience.

So I suppose my thought for today is that looking the way you’ve always wanted isn’t easy, it’s really, really hard. But anywhere worth going is a bitch to get to.

posted by Flab to Fab at Tuesday, April 25, 2006