Personal Training NYC ClientA

Vacation Deja Vu

flab to fab — Fri, 11 May 2007 14:30:14 +0000

So I’m going to Mexico tomorrow on vacation. Of course I’m really excited and can’t wait, but for some reason the whole thing just got me thinking about the last time I went on vacation in Mexico which was almost exactly a year ago. Now, over the course of this past year, I’ve certainly had my ups and downs with eating and working out and maybe, (okay, definitely) more downs than I would have liked. The thing is, if I had to pinpoint exactly one moment or one instant that influenced everything that came after it would have been the week after my vacation last year. I remember prior to going I wrote on this blog how I really wanted to try and work out at least three times and keep my momentum going. I also remember that I accomplished that goal and really ate pretty well, I mean, I didn’t even gain a pound on vacation. Pat on the back for that. What happened next, though, turned out to be the beginning of a significant drawdown. When I got back I just stopped going to the gym and ate whatever I wanted and I was never quite sure why. Sufffice it so say, that after a few weeks of that sort of behavior I blew up, entered into pure self-hatred mode and became miserable. It was like mentally I just gave up and trying to get back to a good place literally took months and is something I’ve only finally come through rather recently.

So, fast forward a year and here I am again. I feel like I’m not physically looking as good going into this vacation as I was for the last, but I think I have a better mental edge. Usually I seem to sabotage myself right before a vacation. I mean, we all know that anytime you have bikini wearing looming on the horizon you start planning weeks to months in advance and typically I do okay for a while, but then, every single time, I just suck the last week. This time, though, I finally broke that pattern- I’ve worked out six out of the last seven days! So going into this vacation while I’m not looking as good as last year, I feel good about finally being able to do somehting (not suck the last week) that I’ve never been able to do in my entire life!

So then, back to this oh-so-pivotal moment-maybe I’m being melodramatic or something, but for some reason I see this vacation and the week after it as my chance at a do-over. I’m convinced that if I can change this one week, I will be able to change everything that comes after it as well. Last vacation, I worked out during thee vacation and then sucked when I got back. Maybe this time I work out if I want to and if I don’t, then I won’t- I mean, seriously, I’m on vacation. Then when I get back I’ll be much more motivated to get right back to my routine.

In all, I really don’t know exactly how I’m going to make it work, but I do know that I will do whatever it takes. I just refuse to have another year stressing out about all this stuff and for whatever reason I feel like this is my big chance to make a change. Maybe I’m just being crazy, I mean it is just one week, but it really is like deja vu except this time I get to rewrite the ending.

Getting it right

flab to fab — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 18:08:48 +0000

So the other day when I was training with Terri, she said that I must like the constant uphill battle or I wouldn’t keep doing this same dance. I don’t think this is true, I don’t like it this cycle, but more importantly I don’t want this to be true. I’ve kind of been thinking about this week as my week to prove that I really don’t like feeling the way I do right now and I’m willing to do what it takes to fix it.

On Tuesday, I left work late, around 9 and just went straight to the gym. I know that so often I can give myself the believable (and in my mind, justifiable) excuse of not going to the gym because I’ve worked late and am tired. The thing is, though, that valid or not, that excuse isn’t going to get me to where I want to be. And the more I’ve been thinking about it, most of my excuses or reasons why I do or don’t do certain things aren’t outlandish. Special occasions, vacations, sick, hurt, etc. These aren’t bad reasons, they aren’t bad excuses, but they are still things that are going to ensure I only get a percentage of what I really want. This realization certainly stuck with me and to an extent I’ve tried to really just accept that this week.

Everything is a choice. If I chose to go to dinner with a friend after work and not work out- that is fine. But a better choice would have been to hit the gym in the morning and then do my dinner. I’m starting to think that it really is all about varying degrees of committment. If I’m only willing to do what it takes 60% of the time then I’m gonig to get 60% of what I want. Maybe that is enough, maybe it isn’t. I think I just really need to figure out exactly where I want to be- I mean, maybe a certain body type that I would love to have, might, in the end, just require more sacrifice than I’m willing to make. And I think that is fine. Right now, I’m just adjusting my expectations, based on past successes and failures and by taking an honest look at my life now and the role I want fitness to play in it. Working out in the morning so I can enjoy a dinner with friends or happy hour after work guilt free is something I can do, but more importantly, it is something I’m willing to do. I think right now I need to look at the overall tradeoffs and really take stock of my priorities.

Over the past three weeks I’ve been giving it about 40% and right now I look about 40%- not happy. I know I can do more and I want to do more, I am not happy at this level. But maybe I get to a point where I’m giving it 80% and look 80% of my ideal- maybe that will be enough for me and I can really be happy with that- who knows? I guess I’ll figure that out when I get back there.

Frustration

flab to fab — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 19:41:56 +0000

So I hurt my back again.

Beyond the fact that I am in complete pain and just hobble around my office, I am also just so frustrated right now. I was on vacation last week so I didn’t really do too much exercise and was looking forward to coming back, having a work out with Terri and then really getting back into my routine. Lately, for no reason I’ve been able to identify, I’ve been actually wanting to go to the gym, motivation has not been a problem. That is why this is so frustrating. I also haven’t been eating the best which I wasn’t overly worried about because typically when I’m exercising regularly I don’t have to worry about my food as much and then my eating just takes care of itself- I start to be better without even really thinking about it. Now, since I physically can’t work out, I feel like I need to be even more on top of my food intake which is even harder now because I’m sad and just want to eat a chicken parm or something.

Totally irrational, but I feel like I’m being conspired against! What I want is to get healthy again so I can work out. I feel like mentally I have been in a good place and I was excited to really start pushing myself and trying to get to the gym more often on my own. Now I just have one more obstacle in my way. So I guess all I can do is concentrate on resting up and getting better and not doing any damage on the eating side- which is just frustrating…

So it’s been a while

flab to fab — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 16:08:28 +0000

which I guess means that things have not been great, but on the other hand things haven’t been awful either or I would have been whining about it on this thing. Actually, I probably am at my smallest in a very long time, not because of great eating and excercise, but I actually got that stomach bug that has been going around last week and basically didn’t eat for like four days. The whole thing was beyond miserable, but I need to at least take advantage of my now shrunken stomach and turn this into my advantage. Tonight is my first night back with Terri and I’m excited to do squats and lift and do basically anything to tone since I’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight and am ready to pack on the muscle. I actually fit into jeans and pants I haven’t been able to wear for months. True, this progress is not the result of tangible effort, but hey, I’ll take it.

Another thing that happened which is also a bit dumb, is I won a bet. A male coworker who is probably about two inches taller than me bet that he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds. Now, I won’t admit as to exactly how this even came up, but suffice it to say that alcohol was involved. We did our weigh in last week and I won hands down. I’ve never really put too much stock in my actual “number” probably because that would depress me, but it was also kind of nice to see someone be completely dumbfounded by the same number. My coworker was like, I never would have guess you weighted that. Hearing that just made me agree- your weight really doesn’t reflect that much. I guess mine reflects that I’m tall and I have a significant amount of muscle, I’m healthy. But if I constantly obscessed over all the ranges you’re supposed to fit into or what I weighed in comparison to others around me, I would be miserable. So basically, the whole thing just reaffirmed my belief that what you see, what you fit into and what you feel are clearly more important than three digits on a scale.

New year, old plan

flab to fab — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:13:54 +0000

So, you know how you can be eating poorly and not working out and it seems like you’re not doing too much damage and then one day it all just shows up? Same thing on the flip side. I had been doing a very good job, working out, eating right and sure I was seeing progress, but then one day, right before christmas, all my work, just “showed up.” I mean, my stomach looked flat, my legs toned, I was starting to see lines (slight but they were there!) for my abs, etc. Overall I just felt amazing. Then I went on vacation for 2 weeks.

So, on vacation my diet pretty much consisted of fried cheese every meal, every day for two weeks. My exercise plan consisted of walking to and from a hammock! Though since I did realize I was doing no activity, I decided to do pushups every day and add one a day (okay so I didn’t start this on day one, but still). So, now I can do 60 pushups straight! So at least there is that.

Anyway, I guess I’m happy that I had worked so hard prior to vacation because even though I was a disaster during my time away and I certainly slid backawards, I shudder to think of what I would have looked like if I hadn’t been working out before! So, now with the new year here I’m back in my routine at work and am ready to recommit to the plan that was working before. This week I’ve been eating better, not great, but definitely a vast improvement over the previous two weeks. I haven’t worked out a ton, only Monday with Terri, but I intend to go tonight and tomorrow to my favorite class. I know that one is going to be a killer though. So, anyway, I don’t feel too terrible about things. I had a great time on vacation, really enjoyed myself and I didn’t ruin everything.

So, I don’t have any new tricks about how to get back to where I was, I just know I have to be consistent and work hard and the rest will fall in to place.

A pleasant suprise

flab to fab — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 15:12:56 +0000

So, as I’d mentioned, this week hasn’t been my best in terms of working out and eating. Last night when I was leaving work I was forcing myself to go to the gym, but I really wasn’t overly excited about going. On my way out I ran in to a girl that works at my office. She said to me, “I’ve been wanting to tell you, you look amazing. You’ve lost so much weight, you really do look amazing, how did you do it?”

To say I was taken aback is an understatement. I don’t know this girl very well and don’t really see her too much at the office, so for her to say that to me, unprompted, made me feel incredible. I mean, I know that I have been doing well and look better, but this was just outside validation coming from a genuine place. Her comment made me feel so good about myself and the work I’ve been doing and helped me get back some of the motivation I’d lost. Toward that end, I did make it to the gym last night to take a spin class and a sculpting class after.

I think that while motivation does have to come from within, sometimes a kind word and support from an outside source can go a long way towards keeping you on track. Knowing that what I am doing now matters, is working and is being noticed makes me want to push on and stick with it no matter what.

Nearing the precipice

flab to fab — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:24:24 +0000

So this past week hasn’t been a great one for me, or at least it hasn’t been in comparison to the weeks before. The past couple of weeks I’ve been getting to the gym 4-5 days a week and hitting up on my weekly goal of 200 minutes of cardio per week. I’d also been eating really well. So now, I haven’t gone to the gym since Saturday and I haven’t been eating as well either. I can kind of see this as being the beginning of me losing my motivation so I really want to nip this in the bud. On the other hand, I feel pretty good that I haven’t worked out in three days and that feels like forever, it just goes to show that it really all is relative. And in terms of eating, if I think of that in perspective, I really haven’t been bad at all, just not as great as I have been the past few weeks. The thing is though, I don’t want to keep holding myself to too old of a standard. As I progress and get better, I create a new standard, a new benchmark for myself. So, I know that I absolutely have to get myself to the gym today and Thursday and Friday. I’m heading out of town for Saturday and Sunday so I know that I probably won’t hit the gym those days, which is why these next three days are so important. If I can make sure that this week is at least one where I work out three days, both physically and phsycologically, that would be a huge difference than only two days. Also, I haven’t been that great in what I’ve eaten this week, but it’s only noon on Wednesday, so I can definitely turn this around and have it end up being a good week. I think it is really important to keep things going in the right direction since I leave for a ten day vacation in a week and I want to feel like I have the leeway to enjoy myself and not feel like I’m derailing the entire “plan.” So anyway, here’s to me buckling down and not letting this week be a “throw away!’

My three things…

flab to fab — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:13:30 +0000

So the other day I was, again, in a fairly upbeat mood since I was feeling good about my mental state, progress, etc. So Terri, while extremely happy that I was out of the “bad” place, said we needed to figure out what it was that had me feeling so good about things. I needed to be able to idenfity what was working and why so when I started creeping backward, I’d have an idea as to what to do and how to change. Toward that end, she asked me to write her three things that made me feel good about myself and the way I was feeling and email them to her. She said they didn’t have to make sense to anyone but me. So anyway, these were the three things I wrote…

1. Having eggs in the morning.

For some reason I get really excited to have my breakfast in the morning, eggs and toast and cheese. I know it is healthy so I feel good about that and I really like it too. I actually am now only eating one slice of bread instead of two and I’m really happy about that too.

2. Spin classes.

Right now I really like going to spin classes because I can really tell that I am getting in better shape. I know what I used to be like years ago in spin and how much better and stronger I am now. I guess spinning shows me how much progress I’ve made in a way that isn’t tied to what I look like. It just makes me feel fit.

3. I’m not sure as to the why of this one, but I think what I love most about how I feel right now is that I don’t dwell on setbacks or mistakes.

By no means have I been perfect these past few weeks, but when I have made poor choices I haven’t beat myself up about it. My mistakes don’t cause full blown depression right now which feels amazing. I guess my mind frame now is that I’m constantly moving forward and one night of pizza or cheese won’t stop my progress. The next day I’m back to moving forward again.

A pat on the back and fingers crossed!

flab to fab — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 19:54:20 +0000

So, first I have to whole-heartedly congratulate myself for making it to the gym this morning. Typically I see Terri on Wednesdays, but tonight is my firm holiday party so I had to cancel for this week. However, since Wednesdays are typically “definites” I felt that it was really important to get my butt out of bed this morning and still make it a definite on my own. So I went to a 6:30am spin class, which of course, was really a 6:15am spin class,( stupid misprint!) but hey, 30 minutes is better than nothing.

The thing is, though, I really need to get a handle on the whole morning thing because I literally am so paranoid and have to psyche myself up so much about going that I have trouble sleeping. Last night I woke up at 1:06am disoriented and all of a sudden completely awake because I had to go to my class. Then I realized that I had about 5 more hours to go! Maybe it will take a few more times but at this point I think I just don’t sleep too deeply because I don’t trust myself yet to actually make it happen. Well, now it’s been two times so hopefully after a few more I’ll start to believe it. Anyway, I am really proud that I went because I know I would have felt horrible about not going when I was at my party. Now I can just enjoy myself and not feel any guilt. You really have to love it when you actually have the foresight to suck it up in the moment for your future self.

So, on Monday I told Terri about my upcoming holiday party and we developed a plan of action. I’m supposed to eat my dinner early, around 4:30 so that when I get to the party I can nibble on appetizers but as I won’t be too hungry I won’t overdo. Sadly, I’m only just getting around to eating my lunch now, so I definitely won’t be hungry for dinner at 4:30pm. What to do, what to do? I think maybe I’ll eat half of my dinner then? I’m really not sure. I need a new plan!

This is one of the reasons I love Terri, I can actually email her and ask her. I mean it is something relatively small, but I know myself and if I can manage to get through tonight and feel like I am in control of my eating it will be one more small victory to keep me motivated and focused. If things go badly, everything could crumble and at this point I’ve worked way too hard getting back on track to let that happen. I think one of the most important parts of succeeding is being able to really know yourself and identify situations like this. I refuse to let tonight be the impetus for my holiday downfall! So, I’m now off to email Terri for Plan B.

The day to day continues…

flab to fab — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 19:47:50 +0000

So, my day to day struggles continue. I was okay this weekend, not great, but really not awful either. Basically, Sunday I had three slices of pizza and cereal and did not work out. So clearly, that is somewhat of a negative. However, this week I actually made myself get up in the morning and do a spin class which for me is huge! I’m definitely not a morning person, but honestly, trying to hit the gym before work one day a week isn’t that big of a sacrifice. On Wednesday with Terri I got to see pictures of her when she was competing and heard about the amount of training and effort that it took her before she really started to succeed. Now, after hearing her stories, I definitely knew that in no way do I have the level of discipline nor motivation to every do something like that. However, those stories inspired me because I thought, well, I could never do that, nor would I really want to, but I certainly could make a few more sacrifices and put forth a little more effort. Hence, the mroning workout.

Honestly, I think that is what it really takes. Figuring out what is doable for you. I think it is important to set goals, and now I have set one of working out in the morning once a week. That will not be easy for me, but it is doable, I can achieve that, I can succeed. However, if I set a goal of three days a week before work, well that would just be setting myself up to fail. I think it is just about finding a balance between pushing yourself to new levels, but also making sure to set goals where you have a chance to succeed. You have to be realistic!