Personal Training NYC ClientA

So after I posted my post “the Zone,” I got a great comment from one of Terri’s other clients.  So first off, to this person, I want to say thank you so much for the support and the advice.   One of my favorite maxim’s was to look for something new, not something old and I definitely did the mirror trick.  I stared and stared until finally I thought I saw some new definition, miniscule though it was, and that just made me feel better.  I think that you are so right, everyone really is so hard on themselves, constantly looking for things to critique and it was nice and certainly different to be looking for something to praise.

 So, armed with some good advice to support my new perspective, I’m glad to say that I am proud about how I did this past weekend.  By no means was I perfect, but I also made it to the gym on both Saturday and Sunday and was cognizant about what I was eating.  Saturday was the big OSU vs Michigan game and I was heading over to a friend’s apartment who was having a party.  As she really is a hostess with the mostess, I just knew that there would be a lot of food.  I was proven overwhelmingly right as I literally almost walked into a table laden with mini cocktail franks, crabcakes, all the chips, dip and guac you could imagine and yes, she even baked chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies from scratch.  However, I made sure I had my Zone lunch before I left so I just wasnt’ hungry.  Of course, I had to try a chocolate chip cookie and I had a couple of franks, but my planning meant that I definitely ate significantly less than I would have if I’d arrived hungry.  And I think really, that is all it takes sometimes.  Just thinking about a situation ahead of time and trying to figure out a way to make things easier on yourself.  If I’d been starving when I got there it would have made it so much harder for me to say no to some of my favorite things.  However, since I planned ahead, I could just have a couple of bites of stuff that was my absolute favorite, the rest I could do without.  Anyway, I’m very much encouraged by my progress and motivation right now and feel like I’m starting to reframe my thinking to where it needs to be in order to succeed.  And definitely part of that is due to some good advice from a new friend.

and join your own team! 

That is basically what Terri told me last night and really she’s right.  Over the past few months she really is the only one who has been working and putting in the time and effort.  She’s getting lonely, I need to step it up.  Also, I got measured again last night and not suprisingly things have gone south.  I hadn’t been measured since May and while the downward slide has now been officially documented it is somewhat positive that things aren’t as bad as they could be.  Yes, I will be thankful for small favors in this case.

So, despite my complaints about the Zone and everything else, I really need to just remember that I do want this.  I mean it works.  I had gotten my body fat down to 19%, I’ve been there, I know what it takes to get there.  There really isn’t a question about whether I can or not, there is just a question as to whether I want to and I do!

So, I’m really going to try.  That’s really all I can do, try as hard as I can.  Sacrifice as much as I can.  Make the choices I know I should make.  Excerise.  I mean it isn’t that complicated, it’s just really hard.  I’m up to the challenge.  I think finally getting measured and seeing how much progress I had made and then gave away actually inspired me instead of depressing me as I thought it would.  I mean I know I can do it, I’ve already done it.  Now I just have to do it again.

Wow, it really has been a while since I’ve written and in the time I’ve been away I’m sad to have to report that there has been no real progress.  I definitely feel like I’m getting back in shape with working out, but I still just don’t look that fit.  I mean, sure, what you look like isn’t all that matters, but when my back fat is bulging out over my bra straps, I don’t think screaming “but I can do 50 push-ups!” is really going to convince anyone.  Anyway, so in an effort to give myself the big kickstart that apparently I have been unable to accomplish solo, I ended up ordering the Zone diet food delivery system. 

Now a while back I had done NuKitchen Food and despite all my compliants at the time about not really seeing a difference, hindsight has proven clearer and I fully admit that it totally worked.  Additionally, the food was absolutely delicious and I had intended on going back, but alas inflation has reached Long Island City as well and they had signficantly raised their prices.  Slightly daunted but nonetheless still determined I recalled the ad for Zone Delivery I’d heard on the radio (see, advertising does work).  So, somehow, my desire to purchse 2 weeks ended up to be a 28 day purchase, and off I went.

 I was actually really excited to receive my food delivery.  Again, I had cheaped out a bit and did the “optimal” option where  an entire week of food is delivered to you frozen.  Well, I’m not sure if perhaps NuKitchen has ruined me for all other delivery programs, but it’s safe to say that I am not a fan.  Of course, due to a questionable cancellation policy, I’m now stuck with two weeks of this stuff, as my plan to only have to do one week was foiled.  So be it, though, I’m going to have to revise my mantra of “it’s only for one week, you can do anything for one week.’  I think it is slightly depressing that I think of eating this stuff like a recovering addict- one day at a time.  Thinking about a larger block of time when it comes to this stuff is just to hard to handle. So anyway, at the very least I’m hopeful that my sacrifice and believe me, it is significant, pays off in the end.  Also, since I’m eating tiny portions of bad food I am planning to exercise as much as possible to max my benefits.  I mean if I really do lose some weight well then in hindsight this won’t be so bad either.

 Anyway, so that is about where I am right now.  Sadly, I will have to miss one of the delicious meals tomorrow as I have a work event, however, I’m sure I’ll be able to survive.  I mean, I’ve got this zone formula down: crumb of bread, piece of lettuce, cube of chicken.

So last night was the first time I’ve worked out in two weeks, yes two weeks.  It feels like forever.  I really hurt my back a couple of weeks ago, so badly that I was walking around work hunched over like an old lady, a picture of course ruined by the fact I was also walking around in stiletto black boots.  So I guess I was a dominatrix old lady, but I digress.  It really hurt just to walk for about 5 days and finally the pain started to dissipate about a week after which of course was when I finally was able to see a doctor.  So I tried to explain the pain I was no longer having to which he told me I was fine and I could resume my activities letting “pain be my guide.” 

Now, let me remind that prior to my injury I was doing exceptionally well.  I had finally gotten to the place where I was really enjoying exercising and I was definitely seeing results.  So not being able to do anything except walk to and from work was downright depressing.  I wanted to work out and continue my progress and I literally just couldn’t.  That was week one.  After that period of time, I just got back to the routine of me not working out.  I had a new routine.  I worked late, I went home, ate dinner, watched TV, etc.  Working out was no longer a part of my schedule and I was starting not to even miss it.   Thank god, I have Terri and my regular schedule with her to stop what could have been a complete and utter slide into oblivion with me chanting, “It’s not my fault, I was hurt!”  Ah, the forces of fate.  However, I do have Terri and last night’s workout definitely help me regain my focus.  It is a little frustrating to have to do all this initial, uphill work again and I do find myself lamenting about how much further along I’d be had I not gotten hurt.  But hey, such is life, suck it up and move on.

So, this week I’ve basically started again as of yesterday and I’m going to try and get two more workouts in this week.  I also have to watch my eating again since with Halloween and my complete laissez-faire attitude I’ve definitely given up some ground.  I’m not overly concerned though, since I’ve only lost a battle, not the war!

My new goal is just to get back to a good place prior to Thanksgiving, since let’s face it, that day and the amount of time leftovers last are not going to be stellar.  I think in the quest of lifelong fitness and weight control you at the very least need to be realistic.  So, here’s to getting back on the saddle, or out of it, depending on Terri’s mood… 

Honestly, sometimes I’m not really sure how it happens.  I guess it’s always a bunch of little things that start to add up.  I finally feel like I’m back on track and I’ve definitely taken off some pounds and gotten to the point where I am feeling good about myself and working out again.  It’s funny because when you are in the “bad place” it seems like you’ll be there forever and you are constantly looking for the tiniest improvement to validate the maybe one good day you’ve had.  Then I think you start not to dwell on it and just start to do a few things better.  Then, one day, you notice your pants are a bit looser than they’ve been.  I think those moments, those happy little results that you had almost decided weren’t going to happen, end up being the start of some serious progress.

 I mean, for me, since getting some visual results I am much more inspired.  It’s like I got reminded, hey, this actually does work and I actually want to do it.  So I think that things are going better than they have in quite some time.  It definitely helps that I really am enjoying my new gym and the new classes.  I’ve tried out a bunch of new ones and definitely have already found two classes that I will continue to go to.  One left me tremendously sore for training with Terri on Monday.  She did not take it easy on me at all and her declaration of an opportunity felt more like punishment to me!  The thing is that it is only Thursday and I’ve already gotten in three good workouts.  That hasn’t happened in such a long time and I just want to keep going.

 So anyway, finally I’ve turned the corner and am so happy to be back heading in the right direction.  Plus, once I keep this up for a full month, I get to pick all the exercises for one of my sessions with Terri.  I’m actually really excited about that too, seriously what is Terri doing to me!

Honestly, sometimes I’m not really sure how it happens.  I guess it’s always a bunch of little things that start to add up.  I finally feel like I’m back on track and I’ve definitely taken off some pounds and gotten to the point where I am feeling good about myself and working out again.  It’s funny because when you are in the “bad place” it seems like you’ll be there forever and you are constantly looking for the tiniest improvement to validate the maybe one good day you’ve had.  Then I think you start not to dwell on it and just start to do a few things better.  Then, one day, you notice your pants are a bit looser than they’ve been.  I think those moments, those happy little results that you had almost decided weren’t going to happen, end up being the start of some serious progress.

 I mean, for me, since getting some visual results I am much more inspired.  It’s like I got reminded, hey, this actually does work and I actually want to do it.  So I think that things are going better than they have in quite some time.  It definitely helps that I really am enjoying my new gym and the new classes.  I’ve tried out a bunch of new ones and definitely have already found two classes that I will continue to go to.  One left me tremendously sore for training with Terri on Monday.  She did not take it easy on me at all and her declaration of an opportunity felt more like punishment to me!  The thing is that it is only Thursday and I’ve already gotten in three good workouts.  That hasn’t happened in such a long time and I just want to keep going.

 So anyway, finally I’ve turned the corner and am so happy to be back heading in the right direction.  Plus, once I keep this up for a full month, I get to pick all the exercises for one of my sessions with Terri.  I’m actually really excited about that too, seriously what is Terri doing to me!

kay, so I had a really good workout with Terri yesterday. This, of course, was especially important given that I hadn’t worked out once since the last time I saw her, on Monday! I’ve really been in a funk lately and I’m still not quite certain why. Terri thinks that I have a fear of success. I’m not really sure that this is the case because when I look back and see how close I was to reaching my goal, I also remember that at that same time I still felt very far away. It just seems like I never have perspective, I always think I’m so far from where I want to go.

I always seem to motivate myself from an appearance standpoint, but right now I’m not the most miserable about my appearance. More than that I just feel less in shape. Working out with Terri yesterday I could still do the things I could do a few months ago, two sets of 50 push ups, pull ups, etc. But despite that evidence, I still feel out of shape. I guess it is just the outside dictating how I feel inside. Terri says it’s that I don’t look as in shape as I am right now and I guess that is true. It’s just hard to feel very good about the things I can do when I don’t look in shape. I was also looking at old photos from college and beyond and I noticed how up and down I always am. I never have gotten to a place where I honestly look the best I possibly can, I really haven’t even gotten that close. I definitely have these thoughts about how my life would be different if I looked my best, but then I never get there. Maybe it is fear that is stopping me, the fear that if I actually gave 100% and put all my energy into this then either I’d still not make it or nothing would be different. I think at least right now I have something to fall back on that is an excuse for why certain things in my life are the way they are. So it’s almost this tension where I need to finally just make a choice. What do I want/need more, that fallback excuse or pushing myself to live up to my potential?

The thing is, too, that this isn’t just about my appearance, it is more than that. One thing that Terri said that really struck me was about a door. That I keep going down this path and ending up at this door and because I’m not ready to open it I just turn back around. This is so true. It’s like I can get to the point where I work a little bit but then I reach a place where I’d have to really commit myself- that’s my door, that’s my obstacle. To date, I’ve never walked through that door. When I actually think of it like that too, I wonder, well when are you ever going to just walk through? When are you ever going to get to the other side? It has to happen at some point I think, but then again, does it? I probably could live the rest of my life just half-assing it and things would be okay. They would never be great, but they would be just fine. The question is now, is that enough? I’m starting to really think that I want more and I can use this one part of my life to really commit to, to really try at. If I can do it in here then I can do it in other parts of my life.

So anyway, that is where I am right now. I really want to press and push myself to try harder, to not just do the bare minimum and sometimes not even that. I want to know that at least in one part of my life I am all in. I mean, I’ve tried everything else. This would be new, and I’m am definitely nervous and afraid. Even now I have a voice saying, ‘you can’t do this.’ I guess this time I’m going to ignore that voice and say yes, I can.

So I think I actually was pretty good this past weekend. I had to go out to dinner both weekend nights with friends to celebrate various things and while I didn’t restrict myself, I also didn’t go overboard. After talking to Terri the previous week we, okay mainly Terri forcing me to agree, decided that I should cut down on the drinking. Basically it just leads to very bad food choices and all around next morning misery. So with that plan in effect, I just had one glass of wine with dinner on Friday night and a couple of drinks on Saturday. Then, when I got home from being out I just went to bed. I didn’t stuff my face with any left over in the fridge- shocking! I also went to a spin class on Saturday too, despite the fact that I really didn’t want to. So overall, I think the weekend was pretty solid. I’m still definitely not in the place where I love working out and enjoy eat ing well, but hopefully I can get back there.

Also, I actually joined LA Sports Club this weekend as well. Yes, this might be a case of throwing money at a problem, but it has gotten me excited about working out and trying new classes. I feel that I’ve been in a rut for so long that I needed to do something. I’ve also always found that I’m more likely to work out when I have some structure. That’s why it’s so great to see Terri, I know that on her days I will have a great workout and I don’t have to think about it. I’ve had that in the past, where I had an instructor or class I really enjoyed so there was no question that on that day I would go to that class. I need that sort of structure because just hitting up the gym to use the elliptical is not only boring but it is so much easier to just blow off.

I haven’t gone to the Club yet, but there are a lot more pre-work morning classes that I can try which also is great because I’m really not doing it after work. All in all, I think that I might have turned a corner (fingers crossed). I don’t feel great about my attitude, but at least I’m back in the place where I know I have to work out and I actually do. The rest, hopefully, will come back in time as I start to see progress again. There is nothing more motivating than seeing hard work pay off, I just haven’t worked hard in so long I’ve almost forgotten! But really, it’s funny how it works because when I was looking my best, that was when I liked working out the most. It was like seeing constant reinforcement that I was doing a good job and things were working. I really want to have that feeling back so here I start the climb again.

So I really felt like I had made some progress the past two weeks. It wasn’t huge, but I was starting to feel more more comfortable in my body again. Even just two days ago, while this week hadn’t been going great, I thought I could still salvage. Now I just feel depressed. I’m not sure why I keep eating so much. It’s like I know exactly what I need to do to succeed, but then I do the exact opposite. Do I maybe really not want to lose weight? I mean I literally am asking myself this question despite the fact that I am so miserable and uncomfortable at my current size. Do I want to be miserable and uncomfortable? I honestly just can’t seem to figure out why I keep sabotaging myself. It just seems like for every tiny, miniscule half step forward, I take a huge leap back the other way.

I think back to how good I felt and how happy I was with my body even just a few months ago in May. I’m actually jealous of myself! I’m envious of that person who was on the right path, had made a lot of tough sacrifices and was seeing it all pay off. What happened?! I know it is going to take time to get back there and I really have accepted that, but this constant digging myself deeper thing just has to stop. I am so frustrated at myself because I keep making things worse and then I put more pressure on and then it is worse still. So maybe I’m having a bad day and this is certainly a bad moment, but it just sucks when you finally realize you are your own worst enemy.

So, nothing entirely new to report. Last weekend I went to Florida which was great and I definitely tried to just enjoy myself and not harp on how discontent I was in a bikini. I’m really just trying to accept the work that must be done and not worry every second about progress or lack there of.

Overall, though, I think last week was good. I definitely ate a lot better and despite being on a mini-vacation, I wasn’t awful (yes, small goals). This week has been okay, not great, but I guess not horrible either. I feel like I was kind of getting back into a groove with working out but unfortunately this week has thrown that a bit off course. I saw Terri on Monday but work has been so busy and stressful that I haven’t worked out since. On top of that I had a client dinner at Sparks last night and again, while I wasn’t horrible, these sorts of things certainly don’t help speed things along. However, I have to be realistic and when going to those sorts of restaurants, which I certainly don’t do all that regularly, you have to just enjoy yourself. I mean, I definitely didn’t just throw all caution to the wind and order the most fatty stuff on the menu, but I did eat my bread and appetizer and entree and dessert (though just berries which I thought was quite good of me!).

I’m also thinking that it is also only Thursday, so I still have four more days to turn this in to a good week and roll that into next week. I guess right now I need to figure out a way to stay on track when work is crazy. I’ve never really been able to get up in the morning and exercise before work, but it seems like these days that really might be the only way I can garauntee that I will actually make it to the work outs I’m supposed to. Basically, I have to come up with something becuause the way things stand now, while I can certainly fix my eating, my working out habits are definitely not where I want them to be. I know there will be periods of time where this happens, when my schedule makes it tougher to do what I need to, so I have to come up with a plan to handle these times so I don’t get discouraged and fall off the bandwagon!