p.s. have been complying with Terri’s orders to drink more water. Nearly a liter before I even leave the house in the morning. At least a liter during the day, and another in the evening. I have to pee constantly. CONSTANTLY.
LOL
The week started out pretty low energy. I guess there’s a pattern there. The beginning of each week sucks. The end is better. Tuesday and Wednesday I was dragging, maybe the heat, but yesterday was great. Thirty-five push-ups at ONE TIME! That was absolutely the best thing that happened this week.
So, my arms look pretty good, but my butt still grows. I’m gaining weight, despite the fact that I’m working out five days a week for at least an hour, and this week on Wed and Thurs I worked out a second hour on my own. I’m eating more for the trip (so I tell myself. fact is, i just like to eat), but the reality is that I just don’t need that many calories to maintain my weight. too bad.
So this week, I finally feel like I’m showing some results. I feel stronger. I think there’s a good possibility I’ll suffer less on the Utah trip.
On a different not, I just got copies of the magazine article about me losing weight. It’s coming out next month. It kind of sucks that I’ve gained weight since then. That has been the downside of the past few weeks working with Terri. Having/Getting to eat more. I’m paying for it in other ways. When I get back from the trip, I’ll focus on that, determining what I need, how to keep off the weight but still eat healthy, and be able to have treats without torturing myself.
I feel much better than I did on Monday. Tuesday I was able to say NO to the ice cream my bf brought home, and last night, I indulged, but just maybe a cup of icecream — no guilt inducing binge. I’m hungrier during the day. I was taking a decongestant everyday for most of the last 6 months, and it made me not feel hungry during the day. A nice side effect, but my blood pressure and heartrate were way to high. I’ve been off for a couple of months — hense, 5 lb gain. Food food it’s all about food. It sucks. I feel fat and hungry as usual. I want to change all that. Still, I desperately want a cookie. or a peanut butter cup. I’d be happy with a peanut butter cup.
I loved working out this week too - but it was harder than the last couple weeks. Monday and Tuesday were 65 push-ups, Wednesday was 75, and today was 100! (!!) My knee is feeling much better too. Hopefully it isn’t anything serious. I don’t think I’ll be running anymore before the Utah course, but during orientation on the first day, we have to run a fast mile and a half. I’m trying not to worry too much about it.
The goal this weekend is to not go overboard with food. Terri said to work on it Saturday, but now I think it would be easier to not worry about it Saturday, and Sunday be more structured. My bf and I spend Saturdays together, but Sundays we work or do our own thing, so it would be a lot easier on Sunday to keep to a reasonable eating schedule. Ok, Saturday twizzlers, Sunday rice cakes (just kidding:)
Not such a good day. I worked hard with Terri this morning. I can feel myself getting stronger, I think, but I’m not giving myself much credit, I don’t think. I still feel sort of worm-ish — my body skulking along in its ugly way. My body and mind are not in sync today. My knee started hurting couple hours ago. I finished everything in my food pack by 3:45 and I was still hungry. At 5:30 I had a peach. Since then I’ve been fine. I still have to decide what to do for dinner. Ugh.
I felt really bad this morning about eating the movie candy Saturday night (twizzlers and m&ms at Pirates of the Carribean) and foraging all day Sunday. Terri wouldn’t take sides with me about the candy, claiming to eat an entire box of milk duds when she goes to the movies. Wow. Can it be? It would be wonderful to be able to eat entire bag of twizzlers or m&ms at the movies without hating myself. That’s a good thing — thanks Terri.
Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully my knee will be fine.
This was my second week with Terri. I’m sore and tired, but very happy. I love her. She’s kicking my butt (in a good way), but she’s also making me think.
I’m a little concerned that I’m getting a cold, but I’m hoping it’s just my body adjusting to the new physical activity, and that I need to sleep better.
Last week I started getting weekday meals from NuKitchen delivered to my office (bf, lunch, 2 snacks mon-fri). It is a huge extravagance for me (not to mention slightly embarrassing to have to pick up the cooler from the front desk every morning), but it’s just for this month until I leave for my Utah wilderness survival course. Terri urged me to develop an organized eating plan immediately because my eating habits would undermine all of my goals – to have energy, to develop physical stamina, to effectively prepare for the trip, to stop my pattern of losing and gaining weight. The last one — that’s the fun one.
In the last 3 years, I have weighed everything in between 102 and 148. I recently lost about 10 pounds, and over the past month and a half, I gained back half of it because I have no self-control about food. I’m at total extremes with it – I eat everything or nothing. Terri suggested planning meals and eating more during the day. She suggesting I check out Fresh Direct ready-made meals, but the choices are totally overwhelming. (I’m not sure how I manage to do anything sometimes — choices are so hard. ie. what clothes to buy, what music to listen, the result being that I don’t buy enough clothes or listen to enough music, even though both would bring a lot more pleasure.)
It’s crazy shelling out $30 a day to have someone else organize my meals because I’m too retarded to do it myself, but the results are sort of amazing. I’m learning a lot (and I better, because I’m not doing it again.) My usual habit of eating not enough or badly during the day, and then too much at night, has abruptly stopped. Now, I feel like I’m eating so much during the day (sans guilt) and I’m just not that hungry at night, so I’m not bingeing at home at night, and therefore, not feeling crappy.
I won’t see Terri for a few days. I hope my lazy butt won’t triumph over my will to workout. I don’t want to sit around all weekend. I’ve been working really hard over the last two weeks. I don’t want to lose it by being lazy. It makes me feel strong and capable and like I have some tiny amount of control in what I usually feel is my chaotic messy life. I’m tired and sore, and my throat’s a little scratchy, but I’m satisfied, like I’m on the right path. I so desperately want to be on the right path and stay on it.