Personal Training NYC ClientG

 … to do it. i took terri’s text message to heart. I worked out by myself on Monday, after missing my session with her in the morning, and I got there on Tuesday, and I’m catching up on the blog. None of which I had much interest in doing. But I’m doing it, and now I feel a little better. It’s still crappy and unmotivated, at work and working out, but I feel better. I’m not having fun this week, but at least I think I’m on the last gasp of my meltdown.

So Terri took my measurements on Tuesday. Conveniently, she waited to tell me until Tuesday afternoon, so I couldn’t do that much damage. I was all ready to expect a few extra inches since my Utah trip. Wow was I surprised when she told me I lost another 2 1/2 inches.  I don’t know how. I feel like I eat a lot, although I’ve cut way down on the crap in the last month. I’ve been doing more physical activity, so that makes a difference I guess. The real challenge for me, Terri said, is realizing that what I feel like is not necessarily what I look like or what I’m doing. I guess it must be true. I’m guessing she didn’t lie about losing more inches. Anyway, today we’re supposed to do a flexibility session. I’m skeptical. I want to sweat,  work on my pullups -yeah! LOL. Which reminds me, someone told me yesterday that she knows a girl who can do 85 push-ups. Wow. I can “only” do 40… Jeez.  

i’m tired. i wanna go back to sleep. tried to change my session with T to this afternoon. she can’t, so i’m going now. getting up at 6:30 and shlepping my ass there is the battle. i’m not feelin’ the love today! story of my life.

well, i went running this morning — even with a cold (see, i’m motivated ;0). I ran 3 1/2 miles — not very much, but at least I got my butt there, even WITH a cold. And I did the requisite 100 pushups, and some stretching, a long walk with the doggie. yesterday I ate way too much. I had nukitchen for the day, which always makes me overeat since breakfast is all carbs. The whole food thing has been a struggle — not eating meat at all, or dairy except for Ronnybrook yogurt, which comes from “grass fed” “pasture raised” cows. For the maybe one person who reads this besides Terri, I stopped eating poultry (I haven’t had mammal in 18 years) and dairy after the sheep kill on my Utah survival skills trip. I had eggs for the first time this morning (from “free roaming hens” that “are not confined to cages, but are allowed to roam freely and follow their natural instinct to scratch around in the litter and move about as they please.”) Eggs from litter eating hens sounds so appetizing, but I guess it beats the the alternative. I finally gave in since maybe I got a cold because of not getting enough nutrients. I don’t know. Anyway. Happy weekend.

I feel much better than I did on Monday. Tuesday I was able to say NO to the ice cream my bf brought home, and last night, I indulged, but just maybe a cup of icecream — no guilt inducing binge. I’m hungrier during the day. I was taking a decongestant everyday for most of the last 6 months, and it made me not feel hungry during the day. A nice side effect, but my blood pressure and heartrate were way to high. I’ve been off for a couple of months — hense, 5 lb gain. Food food it’s all about food. It sucks. I feel fat and hungry as usual. I want to change all that. Still, I desperately want a cookie. or a peanut butter cup. I’d be happy with a peanut butter cup.

I loved working out this week too - but it was harder than the last couple weeks. Monday and Tuesday were 65 push-ups, Wednesday was 75, and today was 100! (!!) My knee is feeling much better too. Hopefully it isn’t anything serious. I don’t think I’ll be running anymore before the Utah course, but during orientation on the first day, we have to run a fast mile and a half. I’m trying not to worry too much about it.

The goal this weekend is to not go overboard with food. Terri said to work on it Saturday, but now I think it would be easier to not worry about it Saturday, and Sunday be more structured. My bf and I spend Saturdays together, but Sundays we work or do our own thing, so it would be a lot easier on Sunday to keep to a reasonable eating schedule. Ok, Saturday twizzlers, Sunday rice cakes (just kidding:)

Not such a good day. I worked hard with Terri this morning. I can feel myself getting stronger, I think, but I’m not giving myself much credit, I don’t think. I still feel sort of worm-ish — my body skulking along in its ugly way. My body and mind are not in sync today. My knee started hurting couple hours ago. I finished everything in my food pack by 3:45 and I was still hungry. At 5:30 I had a peach. Since then I’ve been fine. I still have to decide what to do for dinner. Ugh.

I felt really bad this morning about eating the movie candy Saturday night (twizzlers and m&ms at Pirates of the Carribean) and foraging all day Sunday. Terri wouldn’t take sides with me about the candy, claiming to eat an entire box of milk duds when she goes to the movies. Wow. Can it be? It would be wonderful to be able to eat entire bag of twizzlers or m&ms at the movies without hating myself. That’s a good thing — thanks Terri.

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully my knee will be fine.

This was my second week with Terri. I’m sore and tired, but very happy. I love her. She’s kicking my butt (in a good way), but she’s also making me think.

I’m a little concerned that I’m getting a cold, but I’m hoping it’s just my body adjusting to the new physical activity, and that I need to sleep better.

Last week I started getting weekday meals from NuKitchen delivered to my office (bf, lunch, 2 snacks mon-fri). It is a huge extravagance for me (not to mention slightly embarrassing to have to pick up the cooler from the front desk every morning), but it’s just for this month until I leave for my Utah wilderness survival course. Terri urged me to develop an organized eating plan immediately because my eating habits would undermine all of my goals – to have energy, to develop physical stamina, to effectively prepare for the trip, to stop my pattern of losing and gaining weight. The last one — that’s the fun one.

In the last 3 years, I have weighed everything in between 102 and 148. I recently lost about 10 pounds, and over the past month and a half, I gained back half of it because I have no self-control about food. I’m at total extremes with it – I eat everything or nothing. Terri suggested planning meals and eating more during the day. She suggesting I check out Fresh Direct ready-made meals, but the choices are totally overwhelming. (I’m not sure how I manage to do anything sometimes — choices are so hard. ie. what clothes to buy, what music to listen, the result being that I don’t buy enough clothes or listen to enough music, even though both would bring a lot more pleasure.)

It’s crazy shelling out $30 a day to have someone else organize my meals because I’m too retarded to do it myself, but the results are sort of amazing. I’m learning a lot (and I better, because I’m not doing it again.) My usual habit of eating not enough or badly during the day, and then too much at night, has abruptly stopped. Now, I feel like I’m eating so much during the day (sans guilt) and I’m just not that hungry at night, so I’m not bingeing at home at night, and therefore, not feeling crappy.

I won’t see Terri for a few days. I hope my lazy butt won’t triumph over my will to workout. I don’t want to sit around all weekend. I’ve been working really hard over the last two weeks. I don’t want to lose it by being lazy. It makes me feel strong and capable and like I have some tiny amount of control in what I usually feel is my chaotic messy life. I’m tired and sore, and my throat’s a little scratchy, but I’m satisfied, like I’m on the right path. I so desperately want to be on the right path and stay on it.